A mugs gallery

We all now know the name of the new police professional body that will replace the rump of the NPIA, left after the operational elements have gone to SOCA and IT bits to the Home Office.

COP, rather imaginatively acronymed I feel, or College of Policing to give its full title, will also incorporate all the ACPO business areas, perhaps to provide the balance with the rump of the NPIA. And the new ICT company will lead on procurement and IT development.

This decluttering of the landscape has certainly sorted out the accountability deficit of ACPO and the NPIA. Both will start as a company limited by guarantee, so won’t suffer the same problems of governance that ACPO had. Er, wait a minute, wasn’t ACPO’s problems all put down to the same company status?

Anyway, the NPIA will soon close its doors and colleagues have secured away their NPIA pens, notepads and mugs for prosperity. The mugs have suddenly become cherished items, despite the faulty handles – they struggle to grip what they are supposed to – and not having the capacity for the demands of police officers.

The chief reckons COP needs to get ahead of the curve as the NPIA was always trying to improve the past and not the future, but feels it has as much chance as being able to sort out this summer’s weather.

While the forecasters are getting slightly more optimistic for the coming week or two in the UK, I see 60 per cent of the US is suffering a drought. I am Googling the share price of Wellington boot manufacturers over there as that was the same situation here four months ago.

While I am on to my broker, perhaps I can get in early and buy some shares in the Police ICT Company Ltd. As we all rush to find transformative technology – applications that reduce demand for service – you never know if it hits upon a fantastic idea that we can sell to the rest of the world, maybe a Facebook of crime-recording, or a Twitter for public protection. Perhaps there’ll be an app that can be used to harness the public’s enthusiasm for knowledge about paedophiles in their community and get them to operate surveillance on high-risk MAPPA nominals on our behalf. Now that would be self-service policing at its most cost-effective.

I am told the ownership will be limited to the Home Office and police and crime commissioners so I won’t be able to buy shares and, given the profile of candidates, I suspect any technology will focus on counting the hours police officers are visible to the public. And will probably be implemented just before the next election in 2016.

I look forward to collecting its promotional mug – probably missing the top two per cent representing its funding model and with a hole in the bottom as the whole concept doesn’t hold water.