On a jolly

As I write this, I’m currently trying to sun myself in Bournemouth, having a well-earned post-conference pint with the PCs.

The problem is there’s a bit of a storm brewing – and the weather’s not much better. The Federation chair nearly had his seaside holiday ruined by a no-confidence vote, but even though he survived it, I foresee dark clouds on the horizon for him (which has nothing to do with the imminent arrival of a certain reform-minded ex-rail regulator).

It’s been pretty testy at times so far, and I’m glad none of the retiring officers took a leaf out of Paula White’s book and indulged in some pre-departure drinks. The unfortunate BBC Stoke presenter, who admitted having a few shandies but denied being drunk, was hauled off her last afternoon radio show after what was described as a “below par” performance.

Fortunately for us, the reps who were tired and emotional after many years of service managed to keep it together a bit better. The anger of the rank and file was obvious, but perhaps in the face of such unprecedented reforms the restraint on display deserves some special award.

I’m not saying it was miraculous that officers managed to avoid heckling anyone and anything to do with Winsor or the Government, but considering the new Pope managed to find more than 800 new saints this week, would a quick canonisation be so far out of the question? You certainly need a lot of patience and humility to stomach what they put up with, and I’m sure Theresa May would welcome some token honour for long-lasting staff which doesn’t involve a pay rise.

We could have apostles of policing and saints of public service leading us through the wilderness, giving us direct entry into the Promised Land, where crime is forever falling and targets are heresy. We can be led by the prophets of the private sector, profiting from our good work and ploughing it back into restorative justice. There will be no more wailing and gnashing of teeth in the conference halls, as we police our New Jerusalem with full public confidence!

I think the sea air may have gone to my head.

Yours,
Stitch
stitchley@policeprofessional.com
@SOStitchley